Champagne Dino Melaiye for President – Tunde Asaju

Champagne Dino Melaiye for President – Tunde Asaju


I do not want to join the bandwagon of those trading blames over who is right between Champagne Dino Melaiye and Remi Tinubu. I was not in the harried chambers where the alleged spat between the political bulldozers took place.

Unlike Abubakar Malami, those trading this rumour may not have the capacity to ignore legislathief summons. While sinnators are equipped with sophisticated camera phones, none has produced broadcast-quality video or audio evidence to corroborate the story and the whole thing is sounding more like the famous multi-million dollar haul from an Abuja farm. Such a large cash haul, if true ought to shore up the value of the Naira, but last weekend it was exchanging at N360 to the dollar – and that is a fact!

The jury is out on this one. There are those who swear on the reciprocity of respect begets. These moralists want a society where those who occupy lofty heights of public office should put a harness on their mouths or attend decorum classes as part of their orientation. The association of chauvinists, voyeur rapists, wife beaters and thug lovers believe that Champagne Dino has the right to defend himself against any woman’s verbal aggression. They think this is the whole essence of gender equilibrium. Others opine that a properly raised man’s response should have been – I will only raise issues with your husband. The results of these polls are, in the spirit of the season – inconclusive!

Let us put this aside and look at the big picture. For all you care, this ability to trash culture at a time when Theresa May is seen genuflecting before the Queen could be the hidden secret that makes Dino win elections so much so that he sees himself as a future president. His prophet’s prediction is not out of sync with trends in global politics. Think of it this way, this chap is not the daintiest from the educationally advantaged Kogi West. He is neither the most articulate, nor the most educated. When it comes to heights, Melaiye may tower above the average but Okunland has produced men and women worthier of character, comportment and public conduct – yet, this is our best export.

From being a member of the green chamber, Melaiye distinguished himself exhibiting thuggish courage. Once he entered the green chambers daintily dressed and came out in rags and tatters. He has been known to hawk groundnuts, but rather than being excoriated or excommunicated; he became the poster-boy of the anti-corruption campaign. While his first wife accused him of battering, he found a better looking one who perhaps believes in having her brain recalibrated with a slap or two when out of line. With such noble antecedents, it beats me silly why anyone still thinks he should value the fairer sex. The chameleons adaptation to its surroundings is not an attribute of the leopard!
Seriously, I am looking at a Melaiye for president. Come to think of it, global politics has changed ethics. Who would have thought that Donald Dumb who wouldn’t win a campus sorority leadership contest would become the official flag bearer of the grand ole party of the United States? Decorum is not a virtue that wins votes and on Dumb’s way to the republican presidency, he has insulted women; ordered people to be beaten at campaign rallies with an offer to pay the legal fees. So cocksure is this son of a gun that he boasted he could go to the street, shoot a few people only to watch his popularity ratings soar – an ISIS poster image! Yet, he is inches away from having control of the world’s nuclear arsenal – that should make Saddam Hussein green with fury in his grave.
After two tribal wars, who would have imagined the rise of right-wing elements in continental Europe? But here they are, winning elections and forming formidable alliances. A world where Boris Johnson is foreign minister would need a Dino Melaiye presidency to define public diplomacy. Maybe we should lower the standards and we may see the good of Melaiye as president.

I have read condemnations from people who watch their neighbours beat their wives and those who assault their househelps. I have heard loud yelps from those who believe in child witches, and I expect to hear from the association of liberated women who use their ADCs as handbag carriers. Maybe we should put our hypocrisy behind and start putting our thugs where our interests are.

Besides, how on earth does anyone fight for the Emir of Bourdillon? He rose from the ashes of June 12/NADECO to become two-term governor; he got his daughter to succeed his mother as the Iyaloja of Lagos; he is reputed to own a substantial chunk of Lagos; his in-laws are scattered in government, his wife is a sinnator and he is famed to be the kingmaker who turned Sai Baba’s fruitless dreams of becoming president into reality. He’s capable of fighting his own war. Best posture – siddon look!

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